I was born and raised in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada 

to Portuguese immigrant parents in a working-class family. Because my parents worked factory shifts, much of my childhood was spent with my grandmother. 

While there was love in my family, there were also important emotional needs that went unmet. My father was often emotionally absent and unreliable in his presence, which made life at home feel unpredictable many times.

I remember the anxiety of waiting at my grandparents’ house, unsure of when, or if, he would come pick me up and what mood he would be in when he arrived. 

When my mother wasn’t working, she was doing everything she could to hold life together at home while also trying to manage my father’s moods. 

As a boy, I adapted by becoming highly attuned to other people’s needs, moods, and expectations. I learned to be the good kid, the easy kid, the one who didn’t cause problems. I was eager to please, shy and became deeply uncomfortable with disappointing others or adding to the burdens of the adults around me.

Those patterns followed me into adolescence and into my early years as a husband, shaping how I showed up in my marriage, and the relationship I had with myself.